The Diary Dilemma

I've been using a paper diary for as long as I can remember. Paper works for me.

Phone diaries do not.

I still have all my diaries, dating back decades, and when I worked at the BBC in London, the look and feel of my diaries took on a consistency. All staff were issued with a BBC embossed A5 day-to-a-page diary. Each year, same size, same interior and layout but always in a different colour.

A few years after I moved from London to Sydney, Swedish inspired stationery brand Kikki. K opened up. I'm a huge stationery fan and was head-over-heels when I discovered their gorgeous A6 day-to-a-page diary. It had the perfect layout, cute little 'occasion' stickers and fit nicely in whatever bag I had on me. It was also lighter than my previous diary.

This was the beginning of my annual Diary Selection Ritual:

• The anticipation and build-up of excitement in August.

• The September launch of next year's range of diaries.

• Visiting my local store to check out the new diaries.

• Deliberation over the 'right' colour.

• The purchase!

So many questions:

• Did I want a muted colour next year or something bright?

• What colour matched my current mood, or the mood I wanted to strive for next year?

• How would I feel seeing this colour several times, every day? Annoyed? Frustrated? Happy? Inspired?

This whole decision-making back-and-forth lasted several weeks every year. Diary colour selection was such an important decision!

But now - my Kikki. K diary is no more.

Apparently, too many A6 diaries left unsold last year, and my diary got the cut. I know it's a business decision, but OMG! My diary is my life! Yes, yes - my family is right up there too - but they know the mantra very well, because the smooth running of all our lives depends on my diary.

I should have seen the writing on the wall (or in the diary). Kikki K's colour choices have dwindled in recent years down to two, maybe even only one this year. I could have prepared myself earlier, but obviously I was living in diary la-la land. Deluded.

I won’t lie. This has been a difficult time for me.

Despite an extensive search, I have not located any A6 day-to-a-page diaries. They are either too small or, too big and heavy to lug around in my bag.

With the pressure of indecision weighing heavy and time marching toward the end of the year, I broke down last month and bought a bigger, heavier 2026 diary. At a time where I crave to be excited and full of plans to write down for the new year, my heart drops each time I open this diary to write a new appointment in. I've bedazzled the cover but still...

It hasn’t got 'it'.

It doesn’t make me smile.

It doesn’t give me assurance that everything is under control.

If a diary could talk, my current 2025 diary would say, ‘I’ve got you.’ ‘We’ve got this.’

We were inseparable. Still are or will be until we part at midnight on the 31 December 2025. It’s a wrenching sensation, inevitable. A beautiful relationship drawing to a painful end.